“Do you think everything happens for a reason, or that it’s all random, or like a Forrest Gump-style mix?” I asked my new friend Tom last weekend, sitting at lunch under some live oaks, surrounded by kiddos.
“You know,” he said, relaxing his body a minute, “I don’t know.”
“That’s a good answer,” I said.
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I love the space of I don’t know. In my spiritual life, led by the likes of Tara Brach and Eckhart Tolle, whose teachings encompass lessons from all spiritual traditions, the not-knowing, an attempt at still openness, has been central.
I never prayed into that openness, until my conversation with Julia Cameron.
In her book Seeking Wisdom, she recounts how prayer became a key tenet in her creative life, as much as morning pages or artist’s dates. And she convinced me to try it.
In moments when I don’t know what to do, I am able to ask. Can anyone or anything hear me? I don’t know. Am I praying to an external entity, or simply my highest self? I don’t know. Is my father here, in some kind of afterlife, watching and rooting for me? I don’t know.
But I do know that when I say what I need, when I ask for it, I am greeted with a wave of calm. I have put it out there. I have done my part. There’s only so much I can control.
Watch my conversation with Julia at the link below!